Essay Writer’s Name: Kelly Couch

Reviewer’s Name: Colette Murphy

Directions: Begin by reading your partner’s paper in its entirety. Then answer the following
questions in as much detail as possible. Once you’ve completed this form, save a copy and
email it to your partner. Be sure to keep a copy to upload to your ePortfolio next week.


I. How appropriate is the title for the subject matter? Does it make you want to read the essay?
Can you suggest a better title?

It’s appropriate.

II. How effective is the opening sentence (the “hook”)?
Does it attempt to grab the reader’s attention? How could it be improved?

It’s good, a direct quote is a good opener and sets the stage. She just has a lot of run on sentences but I’m not any better, I’d suggest she uses the Hemmingway Editor app so she can improve upon the essay.

III. Paraphrase the essay’s thesis statement (i.e. put it into your own words).
Is it clear what the essay is going to focus on?
Social media has a harmful effect on teens. Early in the essay, she mentions how influencers have used body mods and stuff, be more specific and use examples.

IV. Review the essay’s body paragraphs. Does each have a singular focus?  
Does each contribute to the development of the thesis statement?
Suggestions for improvement?

They do have a singular focus, obviously the only thing I would improve upon would be adding sources but she told me she needed to before I even read it so it’s fine.

V. Are there enough details/examples/evidence to support the writer’s main points?
Where should the writer include more information?

Yes, I would just recommend expanding upon the conclusion paragraph. It feels a bit empty and short.

VI. After reading the essay, what single element stands out in your memory?
Does it stand out because it helps or hurts the essay?

While she is a great writer I feel that she uses the actual word social media too much. It feels repetitive and yes while it is the topic of the essay I feel that she could omit the word all together in some instances.

In which of the following areas does the essay need work? Check all that apply.

Sloppy, confusing, or hard to follow organization;

Few vivid details; difficult to understand or visualize x
Poorly unified; ideas do not seem to fit together
Dull or confusing language; sentences sometimes don’t make sense
Topic is too broad; it tries to cover too much

What is your overall impression of the essay?

           Excellent: the best essay I’ve ever read by another student

x          Pretty good: it kept my attention throughout

           So-so: it wasn’t really bad, but it wasn’t very good either

           Not good: it needs a lot of revision

           Yikes: the writer ought to start over on this one

If you had to give the essay a letter grade, what would you give it:        81